#1164 Praise or Punish for Better Behaviour?

He abruptly raised his hand as if to hit my lovely dog. My dog just looked at him, unsure what to think. My dog-walking, human acquaintance looked at me and said “You’ve never hit your dog, have you?”

“No need…”
There are two ways to raise a dog – either through praise or punishment.

My first dog, trained with praise.

We got in a discussion about training dogs. He came from a farm background where discipline was instilled with a heavy hand. I had taken another path, decades ago, inspired by a book called “Training your Dog Positively.” In a nutshell, it promoted praising positive behaviour in a big way while acknowledging challenges with brief but succinct and mild corrections.

Both our dogs were very well-behaved and could walk off leash by our side. The difference was his dog worked from a basis of fear – “I better be good or I’ll be scolded or hurt.” My dog functioned based on positive reinforcement – “He’s nice to me when I work well.”

Dog #2 praise and support

The two mindsets create vastly different beings – one is fearful, one is positive:
• Opening with positive expectations and intrinsically positive outcomes creates an atmosphere of wanting to perform well.
• Coming in with a “Do this, or else!” attitude creates a tougher environment resulting in less (positive) risk taking and community cohesiveness.

Extrapolate these two mindsets to the classroom and you create two different learning environments.

What positive reinforcement might look like:
• To help establish expectations and positive outcomes during transitions I offer drumming opportunities to students (and the whole class) when they transition quickly. The drumming creates a positive outlet for the whole class to work towards. See my drumming transitions featured in Professionally Speaking, “Get Creative” on page 32-34.
• Praise positive behaviour publicly: I draw class attention to a display when it exceeds expectations – “Wow! I love how Djenane has organized this science project.”
• Address missed expectations / poor performance privately, quickly and with support: Quietly at their desk “Hi Robin, I notice your science project is missing parts. Are you ok? What do you need to make this better?”
• Praise positive changes, however small: “Thanks for getting your shoes in the right spot today!”

The two dogs cast in clay by Carol Froimovitch

Sometimes, stronger corrections are needed but they should be brief and effective before returning to positive praise in the classroom.

Recently, I saw an article sharing quantified studies that recognized the positive effects of praise and positive mindsets in teaching.

The studies saw significant effects of positive teachers in controlled studies.

Praise the positives publicly.
Manage the challenges quietly.

That’s good news for my dogs and for students in the classroom.

#1163 The Inner Workings of a Bully (or a Shooter)…

What would make you:
Punch someone?
Explode in a rage?
Go on a shooting rampage?

I’m fascinated by what makes people tick.

And so an article caught my attention exploring the inner workings of an ‘almost’ mass shooter – “Trunk” (short for “Trunk full of guns”) was thankfully stopped before any shooting could happen. And he subsequently spent years in prison for what he had planned.

In the article, Trunk shares what was going on in his life at the time he was planning to cause destruction.

Illuminating.
He was a good kid. He was shy (or ‘bashful.’) He felt alone. He didn’t feel heard. This boy was the invisible child in the class that was often overlooked or asked to be quiet. 

I see this often at schools:
• Two years ago I wrote a blog post with a story of a Grade Six good student who exploded at recess one day – hurling a discarded bag of dog feces across the school yard. 
• One of my kind students uncharacteristically hit a classmate. Where did that come from? It took some investigating to find out.
• In another school, a gentle boy punched a classmate. Hard. Why? It seems he had been quietly internalizing taunts for a long time from a vocal boy with behavioural challenges.

In the article, ‘Trunk‘ expands on the idea of feeling like an outcast: “If you’ve ever been on the side of the fence where you are an outcast, it hurts. Why me? Why do they get to have all the fun? … He wanted so much to be accepted, he was willing to kill other people.

The article bluntly summarizes: “A threat-assessment team could have intervened before [Trunk] had to begin his life as ‘Trunk Full of Guns.’ But no one came near him—no teacher, no school psychologist, no parent. The threat that he presented remained un-assessed.

And there lies a clue to avoiding further explosions in the classrooms, schools or workplaces:
• Listen. 
• Take time to notice little things. 
• Connect with all individuals.

One teacher made this connection and she spends time each week looking for patterns in behaviour to support her students needs.

How?
She asks her students to write 4 names with whom they would like to sit  to develop  the weekly seating plan. Why? It helps her define social patterns in class – who is left out… who wants to be included and who is being excluded. 

Her process is time consuming in an already busy schedule but helps ensure students are heard, included and supported. The benefit is huge. Societal well-being supports the whole community. If people feel included and worthwhile their need for destructive attention seeking activities is minimized.

When governments cut resources – including teachers and support workers – the true cost is often hidden. Missing the needs of the overlooked, lonely, disgruntled or “quiet” student has enormous costs down the road, as Trunk’s story suggests.

Supporting people (and students), properly, costs money. The cost of not supporting people properly is greater, by far.

#1156 The Forced Apology

A young student does something wrong.
They’re told to apologize.
They do.

And then nothing changes…

There’s a lot wrong with this scenario.
The student upsets someone or something. Yes, that’s unfortunate but it happens. I like to think of these ‘oopses’ as potential for learning. Often the student is asked or told or expected to apologize and, usually, the student knows the easy way out – “I’m sorry…” 

The trouble is – in many cases – the student is not sorry. They want to get out of trouble quickly, go through the ‘sorry’ steps and get back to what they want to do. The greater injustice is that, oftentimes, the student’s undesirable behaviour does not change or is reinforced.

This winter a student from another class routinely stepped over the boundaries of school rules and general decorum. He was a high-flying prankster constantly pushing the envelope of acceptable behaviour. He’d been trained to keep playing his get out of jail “sorry” card. 

The last time he said ‘sorry’ with his big goofy grin and an expectation of absolution, I stopped. 

“I don’t think you are sorry,” came from my mouth. His smile faded with the recognition that his normal routine had hit a snag. He stood quietly, unsure what to say…

“If you were sorry you wouldn’t keep running and yelling in the halls between classes.” More silence…

“I would know you were sorry if you at least attempted to make a change.”

And I let him go…

That was the start of a slow change.

The next time I taught his class I met him at the door. I asked why I should let him in. “I could just give you your work. You could do it in the office… I don’t like it when your behaviour disrupts others. How do I know you’ve changed or are willing to change?”

That was the start of a gradual evolution. It required time and consistency and more energy than demanding ‘sorry.’ It required our relationship to grow.

The end result was better. But the cost was higher. 

Most people think teachers teach math or language or science, etc. They do, but the more important job is to develop the whole person. That takes more time and effort – often more effort than the teacher has time for.  

Don’t accept a meaningless apology. It’s the extra step that makes the difference to a student and a community.